Tuesday, August 25, 2009

God Made CarLee

This is from CarLee's Sunday School class from 2008-2009. She moved up last Sunday. I see this and am glad that CarLee loves church. It also makes me very thankful for all of those people at my church who love and help take care of CarLee. She was there for the one year old class and those Teachers the Stika's who where CarLee's first experience with church. I believe they helped her grow to love it the way she does. Ms Jeni and Mr Herb for all those Wed nights and CarLee being so excited she could not eat. To the Perkin's who this past year helped her get ready to move on to where she is now. These are all people who have helped my daughter to know God and Jesus Christ and gave and give their time to her. There are others who give their time also and to them I am grateful too. I am sorry if this all sounds a little mushy, but I was trying to organize CarLee's papers (I seem to be keeping everything) and this piece of paper and what it means and symbolizes really got to me. I am blessed with a beautiful and healthy (had her physical today. 40 and 1/2 inches and 36.4 pounds) daughter. I am so thankful but wanted those at church to know that I appreciate all that you have given to my daughter.

Monday, August 24, 2009

the moment

The Moment

Okay so today I am going to talk about remember to seize the moment. Yesterday CarLee wanted to go swimming. So, Lee pulled out the blow-up pool that we have had in the attic for about 2 years. He set it up and CarLee began to play. I watched for a while and took a few or 20 pictures. Then I was like, “WHATEVER”. I got off of my butt and climbed into that tiny pool with her. I just remember thinking I am so never going to get this time back. We shared the tiny pool and played catch with a little blow up ball, made waves and splashed each other. Then of course she said, “I will be right back” and got out of the pool. I sat and waited and she never came back out. I must have looked like a dork, but it’s was a small price to pay for those few minutes with my little girl.

Someone told me today not to be sad because she was growing up, but just take a breath and look at the person I had a hand in creating. I really want to do that. CarLee is her own person. I see a little bit of other people in her but for the most part she is all her own person, she is CarLee BarLee as she calls herself. I want to take more time to seize these moments. One day she will be off doing her own thing, but for right now she is pretty happy to hang out with her Mommy and Daddy. I think she may actually like us right now too. How about that?

So let me tell a story. Lee brought home a very tiny kitten on Thursday night, and CarLee fell in love with it. I did not want a kitten (really I did not want or need anything else to take care of). Friday night we went over to celebrate my friend Lisa’s birthday. We had a good time. Then once we got home the kitten would not stop meowing. CarLee would not leave the kitten alone. She had to hold it, let it go, the kitten would hide, CarLee would freak out, and then make me find the kitten. This went on and finally I called me and said do something before I go slap crazy. Lee came home and took the kitten to his brothers. So, yesterday Sunday after Church I took her to pet smart and got her a fish. This morning she called me at work (pretty sure Lee dialed the number) to tell me her fish was doing tricks, it was swimming upside down. So on the way home from work today I will do the timeless mother trick and replace the fish before she gets home.
It’s good to me, not so good to be CarLee’s gold fish. I am pretty sure she stuck her hand in the fish tank at some point. I will try to stress to her that she can not do that.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

i dont post for a while then i go overboard

“When the alarm goes off at 6:30, I pop out of bed, excited about my day”.
This is a line from the movie Julie and Julia, which I have not seen. I want to feel that way! I want to be excited about what the day holds and I want to be that excited to get up every morning. At this point in time I am not feeling that way. I am also not sure how to get there either. Does anyone have ideas? I will take ideas and suggestions, I will even take a to do list. I have a good life and I know that will my whole heart. God has truly blessed me in so many ways. I need to find a way to get to that point where I am excited about my day. So that is a new goal I have. I am going to strive to reach it.

A Special Moment

This is my Nanny. She is awesome and well last Tuesday she had a special moment, that she says left her feeling more at peace than she has ever felt. As she put it in simple terms her and GOD had them an old fashioned pow-wow. Well this past Sunday she got up at her church and gave her testimony. She called me yesterday to tell me that this upcoming Saturday August 22, 2009 she was going to be re-baptized. She explained she really wanted me there and that this would mean so much to her. I got very emotional. She has had a life that no one could ever imagine and I believe her faith got her thru all of it. I could not be more happy for her or more proud of her. This is going to be a big day and I so can not wait to share in it. I love this woman very much. I can not wait to show CarLee pictures from Saturday and share the story of her Nanny washing away the old and coming up a new person. Its a very big day so if you are reading this on Saturday August 22, 2009 at around 3pm send up a prayer and a thank you for all blessings in my Nanny's Honor.

Wonder Woman can Bite Me

A new favorite blog of mine posted something that said Wonder Woman can Bite Me. (http://paperpiecing.typepad.com) It’s a great blog entry. It talks about how some women can do it all, but most of the rest of us can’t. I am one who can’t. My life is so imperfect that I can not imagine having a finished to do list and still knowing in my heart that I spent plenty of time (quality time, not the stop doing that, and do not touch that time) with my 3 year old daughter and knowing that I got one good conversation with my husband in that day. I just do not think that in my world all of that is possible. I have to pick and choose. My to do list has taken on a life of its own (I am debating that if I crumble it up and set it on fire, if it will count as being completed). My Girl Kid is 3 going on 13. This at times is so funny – she now says What-ever (which she got from me) and at times it will drive me slap crazy. I have hobbies that I love, and I mean dearly love and yet I am so far behind on them that I might never ever catch up on them. My house is dirty most of the time. Not filthy just usually has a layer of dust and I have never cleaned my base boards (ick and I have lived here 4 years now). Okay so I may check facebook about 4 times a day (that’s not addicted). I just do not know if I will ever be the lady whose house is cleaned, has an organized scraproom, and has plenty of time to spend with family and friends (I get their birthdays mixed up). But like that blog entry said, Wonder Woman can bite me. Who wants to be a member of that club anyways.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


To choose joy over the fear and vulnerability of being different or weird or ridiculed is a tremendous act of courage - one that touches all of us.

I saw that on someone else's blog and it hit a nerve. If everyone stayed in their comfort zone or acted like everyone else, well the world would be boring. I have a brother in-law who is probably not considered normal, but he is to me, because to me he is just being himself. He does not care what others think he is just who he is. I find this brave. I am sure there are people who have to deal with others not accepting them all the time. It could be about looks, it could be about attitude or something totally different.

I hope I am open and accepting to whichever or whatever way my daughter goes, as long as she is being TRUE to herself. I want her to have courage to be whatever she wants to be. On the inside and the outside.

Saturday, August 8, 2009


Today I have no pictures to post. LEFT my camera at home. I was up by 6:30am and on my way to my Nanny's by 7:45am. We (me, my Nanny and the Girl Kid - new way of refering to CarLee) had an awesome day. AWESOME. I have not really enjoyed anything that much in a while. We went to breakfast at Shoney's. Then off to the flea market, where Nanny got some dishes (cause she needed more dishes like I need more scrapbook paper), I got a table - an antique, and a white wicker chair (for CarLee and as a photo prop) and well CarLee she got too much to name. next we went to hospice thrift store where again the 3 of us got stuff we really did not need. then Finally i got to stop at the one and only scrapbook store in Lake City. I have been trying to get there for 2 years. Here yup i got more scrapbook paper. Laugh if you want. Lastly we hit the hardee's drive thru for milkshakes. the perfect end to a perfect day. Gotta Love my time with my Nanny.. oh, and was home and in San Marco by 4:30 for a family photo session.

the reason I scrap

on friday night, i started going thru my older scrapbooks (the old creative memories ones)to determine how many page protectors i needed before you can not buy them anymore.and started with My daughters baby album and i went thru most of them.Let me tell you the first ones were but ugly okay well the ones until my daughters album (3 years ago)are plain and yucky. but I laughed and cried at my pages, my journaling, my pictures and my memories.my daughter would sit with me then get up ask questions and get up.I read my journaling over and over again in my wedding album (which my bf nikki actually made for me) friday was my anniversay 10 years - that says alot I am only 30. and my scrapbooks started with my husband. So i kinda relived the last 10 years and realized I have had a goodtime at it. some bad stuff, made new friends lost old ones said good bye to some loved ones and laughed alot.It kinda reminded me why I scrap. -- so i just wanted everyone to know that I scrap for a reason and that no matter what I say or how much i complain.. i love my crazy imperfect life.

Friday, August 7, 2009

August 7 2009

This is me and Lee. Today is our 10 year anniversary. So many people did not think we
would make it. Yet, here we are today. We did get married very young. I was 20 and he was 21. I can not even begin to tell you about our life together, because honestly in the last 10 years (14 if you count the time before marriage) there is not alot we have not been thru. He is my best friend and I would not want it any other way. I am truly blessed to have this man in my life. I know that he would do anything to get me to smile, when I just do not feel like it (he succeeds 99% of the time). I know without a doubt that when things are going bad, that I would rather be going thru it with him than to be any where else. I love knowing that when I roll over in the middle of the night that I can reach out with one hand and touch him. I wish I was a better wife, and that I could always give him the best of me. Sometimes he gets a little short changed because I give so much of myself in taking care of other people. If you know Lee you like him, he is funny (freakin hysterical), he is a little off the wall, he would do anything for anybody, and he is an awesome father. I really hope the next 10 years are just as wonderful. I know it sounds really corny but sometimes I can feel myself fall deeper in love with him. Those moments really do give me butterflies and take my breath away. I hope I have made him as happy as he has made me. I can not wait to see what the future holds for us.

CarLee's 1st WeEk at School

Just a quick update on school Monday was an okay day, Tuesday she did awesome, Wednesday was her worst day, and Thursday was awesome. Today is Friday so we will see how she does. I picture to go with such a small post.

This is my Beautiful Girl

Monday, August 3, 2009

LoOK wHaT WE madE for CarLee

Okay do you know what that is? We made a tent or canopy for CarLee's bed.
CarLee love tents, loves to make them and I know this will not stop that but hey I still thinks it's pretty cool and we totally made it ourselves. PVC Pipe, curtains, material and well honestly some mistakes and some cussing. We thought it would take a few minutes and it took a couple of hours. I had to break out the sewing machine.. I so want a new one bought from jo-anne's so I can get the classes that go along with using the dang thing. So she will have a surprise when she gets home from "Skool" as she called it this morning. Plus, I am baking her a cake. Back to the thing on her bed, both me and lee got in there and its pretty neat-o.....Its purple, pink & cam-o. I really hope she as excited about it as we were about finishing it. We sure did laugh hard at ourselves. Oh, I also made a curtain out of the leftovers.

1st DaY of PrE-ScHooL

Today is CarLee's first day of Pre-School. It was hard for me. I am not sure if it was hard for her. She knew last night she was going to school and this morning when she woke up she knew she was going to school. Then all of a sudden she wanted to go to school. She asked about her lunch box and kept saying she wanted to go. She also wanted to take her toothbrush but I talked her out of taking that with her. She was very excited to be there, until she realized that mommy and daddy were not staying. Her teacher then asked if she wanted to play then she forgot about us and went to play with the castle.
I left saying, she does not like to share, she is stubborn, she is hard headed and has potty issues.
Ms. Lisa looked at me like I have done this before...
We will see how the day went. I will post more on that after we pick her up.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

a sad day.

Yesterday was CarLee's last day with her Ms. "B". She will start school on Monday
Aug 3, 2009. It was hard she has been with Ms. Debbie since she was 8 weeks old.
I could never have wanted anyone else to take care of her. Ms. Debbie has loved
CarLee like she was hers and CarLee loves her "B". Yesterday was so hard, and
I am very scared how CarLee will adjust to her new school/environment. I know its
going to be very hard on Ms. B and CarLee and well this is not so easy for me. I knew
and know this Ms. Debbie would take awesome care of CarLee. She has for the last
3 and a half years. Putting CarLee in school is about me wanting her to have a head
start for school. I could be wrong about this. I hope that I am not. I am so grateful
for Ms Debbie, she has been there for CarLee and been there for me. Being a mom
has been easier because Ms. Debbie has been apart of our lives. I could never put
into words what she has meant to us. I know CarLee is going to miss seeing her
everyday, and so will I.