Wednesday, January 27, 2010

lookin back with him

(so i may have posted this picture before but he does not let me take pictures of him)

I heard a song by Craig Morgan called “Lookin Back With You”. This song is what I feel everyday with my husband. I treasure everyday with him. I look back at our life apart, how we met, how we got married, and how we have moved forward together. I know that he puts up with a lot from me. I could not put up with me and CarLee the way he does. Yet, he does it day after day and 99.99% he does it with a grin. He works very hard to take care of this little family that we have. So I know things are a little stressed right now. But this song is what I look forward too…

so the words in bold are the ones that really hit home for me. we met at ed white and got married at the orange park womens club. he fixes cars at his dads (now in our garage). and we can not believe that carlee is 4.

We met when I was stationed at Fort Campbell,Got married in the front yard at your Dad's,I played guitar and sang my songs down at the Hatry,Then one day we settled down to what we have,We made a picture perfect life together,Got memories in our head and every room,One day we'll be too old to do what we used to do,But I look forward to lookin' back with you.When we're sittin' on our front porch in our cracker pair of rockers,And we no longer dye the gray out of our hair,Sit and laugh and talk about all the things that we went through,I look forward to lookin' back with you.

I can't believe Ali's already drivin'And Kyle rides with her to their high school,It wont be long until they've both gone off to college,Baby, I look forward to lookin' back with you.
When my new truck is my old truck,And I take off these big ol' tyres,And it's out turn to slow down traffic everywhere,Spend our winters in a motorhome parked down in Cancun,Yea I look forward to lookin' back with you.Oooh if our maker calls and takes me,And leaves you here alone,Don't be sad because I'm not that far away,Once again hand in hand we'll walk the far side of the moon,I look forward to lookin' back with you,Oh baby,I look forward to lookin' back with you.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

My Girl Kid

I wanted to take a few minutes and write down/record some stuff about her at this particular time.
* she calls me Mommyia right now... Not sure where it comes from.
* She is in LOVE with her my little poines
* She says "Oh Man " when told something that does not make her happy.
* Are you Kidding me? and You Drivin Me crazy are some of her other favorites to say
* Her favorite person would still be her Papa Tony.. not sure why? LOL
* Her hair is a little stringy despite my attempts to brush it,
it always looks like she just woke up
* She is Picky about which pajamas/nightgown she wears to bed
* Her imagination is something that is beyond understanding right now.
Mostly she amazes me everyday. I love all of the things that she does and love watching the world thru her eyes. She is this amazing little person who makes my life full of wonder and love. I hope I am giving her half of what she is giving me.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

This year is not going the WaY I thought it would

This was a big deal at my house. CarLee ate a grilled cheese sandwich twice today. Yippeee. Lee had to call it a super duper princess sandwich for her to eat it. but she did. so glad to find something else besides chicken that she will eat!!!

This year is not going the way I had planned. CarLee was sick then my dad went into the hospital. This is so hard. I have only had a real realationship with my dad since CarLee was born and even more so once my Step-Mother passed away. Since CarLee was born I had an awesome realationship with my step-mom, but did not really know my dad. Then she passed away only about a year and a half ago. That was hard. Yet, since then I have gotten to know my dad. The past is not forgotten, but very much forgiven. He has been in the hospital since Monday. It was been very hard for me. It reminds me of losing my Daddy Bill. I then get angry because known of his other kids are coming to see him. He lived with them and raised them and spoiled them. He pays their cell phone bill, and their dish bill, and gosh knows what else. I am not saying there is anything wrong with that. yet at some point they need to grow up. He does this and they call and tell him if he gives them gas money they will come and visit him. I get so mad thinking about it. He is so lonely and bored up in the hospital room. It breaks my heart. Then I get mad all over again. I am the one being there for him, taking time away from my family and yet he was never there for me. Why is this the way that it is? Am I dumb? I love him and the man gave me life. I have this internal war going on inside of me. This is so hard. I can not even begin to describe how I feel. I am scared that something is really wrong with him and then I am scared that i will have to take care of him. The things i have had to do already make me cringe. It is hard to watch your dad be sick. It is hard to watch anyone be sick. Why do I have to watch him be sick? I am I the one worried about him coming home to that house? Why am I afraid to talk to him about the stuff we should be talking about? Why am i mixed up and confused? I am looking for advice and help and plain looking for someone to make this better.....

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Trying to DocUmENt my Daily life.

Got my Reebok Easytones today.. gonna be
a healthy 2010.

He never lets me get his picture. But I so love
him anyways.

My reason. for so much.

My daddy is still in the hospital, and I am on my way there now. I hope he is okay.
They have limited his liquids and have not even talked about releasing him yet. I will
let you know more when I can.

Handbook for 2010

1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow ON trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured IN plants..
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours..
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. while you walk, smile.
11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12.Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Monday, January 4, 2010

noT ThE WaY I plaNNed tO START 2010

This is CarLee's Room.
It looks like this because she
has been up since 2am.

This is my scrapbook room..
I have gotten nothing done on it.
This is what the day consisted of.. Doctors appointment and Chuck E Cheese
to help her run off some energy. She has been up since 2 am with no nap.
This is not really how I pictured today. I planned to get up at 4:15 am and do a Leslie Sansome walk away the pounds video. 2 miles. yeah that did not happened. So I did try at 8 am to ride the exercise bike the seat was to far back and I could not adjust it. I did however try to sit on the edge (only like 2 inches) so that i could reach the pedals. That was extremely uncomfortable. Then it was off to the Doctors office. There the nice nurse doing check in offered to shred my old insurance cards well i kept handing her cards and handed her my atm card which then got shredded. Nice... That is how my day went. CarLee would not lay down and rest she would not take a nap. So after being inside with her for the last 3 days.. I decided it was time to go to Chuck E Cheese. We were there and hour and a half. Oh and she is still going strong. Let's try this over again tomorrow.
After I wrote the above at about 6:30pm I got a phone call from my dad. He was in the hospital and had actually been in the emergency room since yesterday morning. I went up there and on the way there I could not believe he had not called me sooner. At this point they think its just pneumonia. He had to have 1200 cc of liquid drained off of his lungs. They are keeping him to monitor him. Its 5:21am Tuesday lets see how today turns out.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Jan 2 2010

Well I did not get a hole lot done today. I wanted to get more done, but CarLee was not feeling so good. She was very clingy and has this really really dry cough. I am hopeing the cough sounds worse than it is. We watched some tv and played some ponies, and then we danced to blake sheltons song - nobody but me. I asked her if she wanted to take a bath and she said Are you kidding me? that by the way is completely new. I then asked her again and she said are you crazy? that is new too. I wonder where she is learning this?

Friday, January 1, 2010

Roasting Marshmellows

Okay CarLee spent New Years Eve with Papa Tony. They went to the movies and saw a Princess and a Frog, this was CarLee's first trip to the movies. This was so Lee and I could have a night alone. It was also his 32nd birthday. The plan was I was to drive to Ponte Vedra and we were going to roast marshmellows. I stopped and bought the stuff to make smores too. I got there and CarLee was so excited. She kept asking about doing marshmellows now. Tony had the fire going. So we went to work roasting marshmellows. CarLee wanted to do it herself, this freaked both me and Papa Tony out. Her first attempt ended with ashes all over the marshmellow. Her second attempt ended with her telling us she did not like them and that she wanted to go home. (oh and telling me she did not want me to take her picture). I felt really bad for Papa Tony he has wanted to do this with CarLee for a while now. I guess we will try it again later. Kids.... they never do what you want them too.

Jan 1 2010

Hey how's it going? Well Just wanted to jump into the new year with a little blog entry. trying to figure out my new years resolutions. I think i am going to try and take a picture every day this year and post them to a new blog.. we shall see.. i kinda wanna see if i can do that. and i am going to read my "Believing God Day by Day" book by beth Moore. These are just a couple of things I wanna do.. there is so much more.. LOL I am going to really concentrate on myself in 2010. I am gonna be 31 in Feb its time I grew into the person I was meant to be. I hope everyone had a wonderful New Years Eve. I love you all.

2010 is going to be a good good year.. I got a feeling..