Friday, October 30, 2009

The PaST

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present..--- Would you keep a chive on your tooth just because you enjoyed last night's potato? -

A friend of mine posted that on her facebook and well it struck a cord with me. I know a few people who hold onto the past so tightly that I do not believe that they ever really live in the present. The sad thing is the past was not so good to these people.

The past for me is bitter sweet. I have some really good memories and some not so good. I did not have what you would call a normal childhood. I did not really have a sane childhood. The thing is some of that was out of my control and some of it resulted from choices I made. I have always been older than my age. So I have to take credit for decisions I made even if most people would think I was to young. I probably was to young. Yet, I think I still new right from wrong on most of those choices.

I think about my past a lot now due to having my own child. I never want to lie to her and yet I really do not think I should tell her everything. I do wish sometimes that I had been different, then I look around at where I am at. How can I regret the past when it brought me to my present? I know that God had a plan for me. I can honestly say that I do not know how I survived. I walked the streets late at night and well giving the state of the world today.... I really do not know how I did not end up a statistic. Yet, all those choices brought me to lee.. whom I love and he makes me wanna be better. I have CarLee and she is my dream come true.
There are things I could mention, Like Tony, like not having a relationship with my dad, but now he is a good Pa to CarLee. I also have the most wonderful in-laws in the world, in the beginning i was so nervous but now know that my father in-law would put his life in front of his family, my mother in-law is the person who would do anything for ANYONE. I have this rocky relationship with my mom, but she is my mom and in my heart when things are bad she is still the one I turn too. I had once drifted away from my family but now I know how important they are. I do not know what I would do if my Nanny was not around for me to talk to. I look to my Aunt Donna for strength. I also have some really good friends.

So I guess my point being is the past is the past, its good, its can remember it, but let it go hold right now to your heart.
You make the choices that lead you to where you are, if you do not like only you can fix it.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Somer Rene Thompson

Somer Rene Thompson

We had a child go missing in Orange Park, on Monday. Today they found a body they believe to be her. She was 7 years old. How can anyone harm a child? I feel bad and want to cry just from getting onto mine. I can not fathom the pain and loss that this little girls parents/family are feeling. My dad lives pretty close to where this happened. I used to ride my bike and walk all over the place around where this little girl went missing. Home before dark was the rule. CarLee will never know that rule. I will never let her know that rule. Yet, that rule defined so much of my own childhood. I really can not even imagine letting her walk down to check our mailbox. I know that times have changed, but how do I give her freedom and still keep a watchful no never mind a constant eye on her.

As a parent I want to protect her without scaring her. We went to Publix yesterday and someone was passing out flyers of this missing little girl and CarLee asked, "Mommy is that me?" I was like thank God its not you baby.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

It's been a pretty okay week. I have decided half my problem is trying to figure out what I am going to do about a job. I am not really wanting to go back to school, but it might be the only way to a little job security. I hate being unsure of anything and right now I am unsure of so much. I had good day yesterday with my girl kid. here are some pictures. its been a pretty good weekend. now tomorrow I will go to work and prob have NOTHING to do, but I will survive. We made it to church today which is always a good thing and we are better for making it there.

Sunday, October 4, 2009


THis is what i made this weekend CARDS.


I think alot of things are changing in my life right now, or maybe its me that is changing. In the last two weeks I have noticed alot of changes. I for one do not like change. I think it comes from nothing ever staying constant in my childhood. There was alot of changes all the time. I think this is where my fear of change comes from. Since I have lived away from home, I have moved once. Lee and I moved into a duplex, then a couple of years later we moved to the other side, and then we bought our house (like 1 mile from the duplex). I have had 2 jobs (not counting part-time jobs for extra money. I worked at blue cross for 7 years and have worked at wachovia for 7 years. This job at wachovia is coming to an end soon. (Some time in 2010). I found that out over the last 2 weeks. I am also noticing some of my friendships changing. Not one but some and honestly I don't have a lot of "REAL" friends. It's not that we have had disagreements or anything like that. It's just small changes over a period of time. It has honestly left me wondering if I am the person changing, if it's just where we are all at in our lives that is changing. I am not sure how to handle any of this. I also notice that maybe things that seemed really important before might not be so important now. I KNOW that since CarLee I have changed and honestly I know that I have my moods. I have had the same friends for the last 10 years (some longer and one newer than that). When i say Friends I honestly mean sisters of my heart. Not just people I hang with on occasion, it's the girls who would jump out of bed at 2am and come sit with me because I might or might not be having a melt down. I don't really know what's going on with me. It's probably too much right now to be making much sense. I am just wondering if at 30 I might be going thru a growing phase or something like that. I am not sure, I am going to be examing that over the next few days. I just really do not like it when things seem to start moving around and changing their position in my life. I am really trying to let go and let GOD right now.

Thursday, October 1, 2009


This is CarLee when we got home today, Having a snack and saying CHEESE, with cheese.
Well it is Thursday and I am very happy about that. It means tomorrow is Friday. (How many of you really needed to be reminded of that?) I am so ready for the weekend. I am going to hang out with Nikki and a bunch of other really cool women. I am going to be trying something new this weekend. Instead of scrapbooking, I am going to attempt card making. I am going to make some Halloween cards and some Christmas cards. I want them to turn out really cool but we shall see. I just want to do something that will make me feel creative, accomplished and like I did a lot.

CarLee will be going home with her Papa Tony tomorrow. She is still sleeping with her unicorn costume. She is such a crazy CarLee. I love her and all that she is. She puts on her costume and runs around yelling, “Giddy Up, Cowboy Unicorn!” It is actually very amusing.

I am also putting out flyers for the next couple of months for doing family sessions, for $50.00. I hope that gets me some more business and some really good word of mouth. Plus I would really like something different. So I am suggesting I follow people to the pumpkin patch to go pick out their Christmas tree or come over while they decorate their tree. I hope this works. I just love taking pictures and trying to capture a moment, that might not get captured any other way.

Other than the above nothing else is happing at the Minyard house. My Nanny seems to be doing okay, enjoying the semi-fall like weather. (It’s been getting down to the 50’s at night and high 70’s in the day.) Daddy came over last night and watched me and the Girl Kid color. Lee worked for his dad last night. It also seems that he will be working all weekend too and next weekend. He works all the time. I am trying to do what I can to make his life easier. I honestly believe sometimes I make it harder. I am seriously working on that. He deserves for things to be a little bit easier on him. I really hope he gets the galaxy fixed.

I do not know if I will post anything over the weekend. I am super excited about seeing all my scrapbooking friends. They are all super talented and some are just a riot.