Sunday, October 4, 2009


I think alot of things are changing in my life right now, or maybe its me that is changing. In the last two weeks I have noticed alot of changes. I for one do not like change. I think it comes from nothing ever staying constant in my childhood. There was alot of changes all the time. I think this is where my fear of change comes from. Since I have lived away from home, I have moved once. Lee and I moved into a duplex, then a couple of years later we moved to the other side, and then we bought our house (like 1 mile from the duplex). I have had 2 jobs (not counting part-time jobs for extra money. I worked at blue cross for 7 years and have worked at wachovia for 7 years. This job at wachovia is coming to an end soon. (Some time in 2010). I found that out over the last 2 weeks. I am also noticing some of my friendships changing. Not one but some and honestly I don't have a lot of "REAL" friends. It's not that we have had disagreements or anything like that. It's just small changes over a period of time. It has honestly left me wondering if I am the person changing, if it's just where we are all at in our lives that is changing. I am not sure how to handle any of this. I also notice that maybe things that seemed really important before might not be so important now. I KNOW that since CarLee I have changed and honestly I know that I have my moods. I have had the same friends for the last 10 years (some longer and one newer than that). When i say Friends I honestly mean sisters of my heart. Not just people I hang with on occasion, it's the girls who would jump out of bed at 2am and come sit with me because I might or might not be having a melt down. I don't really know what's going on with me. It's probably too much right now to be making much sense. I am just wondering if at 30 I might be going thru a growing phase or something like that. I am not sure, I am going to be examing that over the next few days. I just really do not like it when things seem to start moving around and changing their position in my life. I am really trying to let go and let GOD right now.

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