Friday, October 30, 2009

The PaST

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present..--- Would you keep a chive on your tooth just because you enjoyed last night's potato? -

A friend of mine posted that on her facebook and well it struck a cord with me. I know a few people who hold onto the past so tightly that I do not believe that they ever really live in the present. The sad thing is the past was not so good to these people.

The past for me is bitter sweet. I have some really good memories and some not so good. I did not have what you would call a normal childhood. I did not really have a sane childhood. The thing is some of that was out of my control and some of it resulted from choices I made. I have always been older than my age. So I have to take credit for decisions I made even if most people would think I was to young. I probably was to young. Yet, I think I still new right from wrong on most of those choices.

I think about my past a lot now due to having my own child. I never want to lie to her and yet I really do not think I should tell her everything. I do wish sometimes that I had been different, then I look around at where I am at. How can I regret the past when it brought me to my present? I know that God had a plan for me. I can honestly say that I do not know how I survived. I walked the streets late at night and well giving the state of the world today.... I really do not know how I did not end up a statistic. Yet, all those choices brought me to lee.. whom I love and he makes me wanna be better. I have CarLee and she is my dream come true.
There are things I could mention, Like Tony, like not having a relationship with my dad, but now he is a good Pa to CarLee. I also have the most wonderful in-laws in the world, in the beginning i was so nervous but now know that my father in-law would put his life in front of his family, my mother in-law is the person who would do anything for ANYONE. I have this rocky relationship with my mom, but she is my mom and in my heart when things are bad she is still the one I turn too. I had once drifted away from my family but now I know how important they are. I do not know what I would do if my Nanny was not around for me to talk to. I look to my Aunt Donna for strength. I also have some really good friends.

So I guess my point being is the past is the past, its good, its can remember it, but let it go hold right now to your heart.
You make the choices that lead you to where you are, if you do not like only you can fix it.

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