Friday, July 10, 2009

This is my cousin Scooter. He left us almost a year ago. Today he would have turned 19. I can not tell you we were super close with 11 years age difference between us. We did not talk on the phone. Yet, when we were together.... The first thing he did when he saw me was hug my neck and we always managed to have a few minutes to talk just us. I gave him grief about school and how he needed it, and told him not to trust girls because most of us were evil. I would also tell him to stay out of trouble. He always acted like he was listening, I think he pretended just to make me feel good. He loved to aggravate, he loved to start trouble and he loved his family.

This is what I wrote and read the day of his service and even now almost a year later it still brings me some comfort.

August 30, 2008

I lied awake last night wondering how I was supposed to say goodbye. When in my heart I feel you were to young to die. My mind screams he is to young to be gone, so many things he has not done. Then I fell asleep and had a dream and to real did it seem:

Your hat was pulled just so, as always a little to low. You were shaking your head as you leaned against the truck bed. Looking over at our family you smiled, both of us thinking how you always got them riled.

I stood watching you, wondering what I should do. How could you I just go away, not ever giving us one more day? Tears started down my face, as I told you no one could ever take your place.

With a grin you said, "Of course there could never be another me, I am the only me that will ever be." Again glancing at all those you were leaving behind as if you were making up your mind, "Tell them not to be mad, least of all please don't feel sad. My time has come and gone and this is something that can not be undone. I had all the things I ever needed: A mother who loved me with every breath she ever took, Mammee who let me know she wanted the best for me with just a look, a brother to turn to when things got tough, family I knew would be there when times were rough, an uncle who loved me as his son. Please know that for me this is the first I've been free."

You turned from me and walked away over your shoulder you gave a wave.

I awoke with a start and still having this pain in my heart. Knowing we would all have to let you go and that the process would be slow. We will all do what we have to, to get thru all of us holding onto a special memory of you. The world will never be the same, but in our hearts you will always remain.

by kim minyard
You know they say (and I have no idea who they are) that with time things get easier or that it hurts less. Well, they are wrong. I still look for him and it hurts all over again when I realize he is not there. I miss Scooter and the only thing sometimes that really gives me comfort is knowing he is finally with his mom my Aunt Ikey, she is another story and deserves for her story to be told on another day. I am sure she would want me thinking only of Scooter today. I hope that he knows how often he goes thru our minds and that he is always in our hearts!

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