Okay I am listening......

Have you ever realized that someone was trying to tell you something and you just weren't listening?
I have, and very recently too.  I am not sure exactly where to start this post or this story.  So, lets just start with now.  Last night was my first night back at Church in over 2 months.  Yet, even before then I was only going very sparatically.  It seems when my life gets busy or I get depressed, I quit church. Why, God didn't quit me (Thank You for not quiting me).  I go to a really great church.  I do.  I know most people think they go to a great church, and they probably do.  I go to a church that is great for me.

1.)  CarLee loves it.  Not likes it Loves it.  She knows when we are supposed to go.  Thank you Ms Sims and Ms Kelly for teaching her the days of the week.  I have to think this goes back to all of her Sunday School teachers and now her awana leaders.  I have to admit, watching her in her faith and her walk with God is amazing.

2.)  My first Sunday school teacher.  Ms Sandy - made me feel welcome and loved from the first time I met her.  She put me right at ease.

3.)  They don't care what you wear.  I know this seems like a silly reason to think your church is great but to me it is.  I am not a girlie girl, I do not like to dress up, and I would so rather be in flip flops than dress shoes.  I have showed up in jeans and a t-shirt and was not treated any differently. EVER.  They just want you to be there, to share the Lord with you.

4.)  This is not my first lapse in going to church.  Yet, no one judges me.  I never get the look - oh look who is back now....  I get hugs and pats on the shoulder. I hear, "Glad to see you" or "Glad your back".  I feel missed and I feel wanted.

So, before school let out for Christmas break, CarLee asked when we would be going back to church.  I said in the new year.  So, on Monday I posted to the women's group on facebook :

needing help. 1.) can anyone recommend a podcast on itunes for daily listening? 2.) thinking i might need some help in my daily walk. I have not been to church since oct. when life gets hectic or crazy church is the one thing I drop. I don't want to be like that anymore.

The response from the women in that group was amazing, as well as all of the encouragement I received last night.  I realized that I don't have to be able to spout scripture, and I don't have to be elegant prayer.  I just have to be me. 

Earlier in the day I had read this post : http://karenrussell.typepad.com/my_lifejust_not_on_the_ro/2011/12/love-notes.html
and it spoke to me.  I just need to be in my relationship with God. 

So this is why I think God, was trying to get my attention.  3 weeks ago when CarLee asked when we were going back, when I got the news my Nanny was cancer free, when I posted to facebook and the women of my church let me know that they were there for me and when I read that blog post.  It's not really about GOING to church for me, but about going to GOD. I am listening and praying now.